Saturday, January 7, 2017

It's 2017

I have been reflecting on many things this past week.  2016 ended and a new year has begun.  On September 15th I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, Joshua, in our house.  I had a baby... in... our... house... Our small house that is full of too much stuff.  I sometimes write in a journal and the last time I wrote anything in it was July 12, 2016 and I was wondering if I'd get our house organized enough to 1-have a baby in it and 2-have enough room for the baby to live in it with us.  That sounds funny... but I guess I was worried about that. Well... now he's here and I had him at home and he is sleeping at the end of our bed in a pack-n-play.  We sold our crib, got rid of some toys and toy shelves, stored some stuff and made room for him.  I find it's easy to over do it on the clothes and supplies for babies and have been trying to keep it to a minimum with him.  We've been somewhat successful, but we still have boxes of clothes stored for later and I am sure we won't use all of them.

Overall, we desire to be free of so much stuff.  We have been in our little house for a little over a year and there are still boxes we've yet to declutter.  Life happens.  We'd rather go swim with our kids and take long walks then sit inside our house going through stuff deciding what to toss, give away, sell, or keep.  But we want to do that.  We want to be free from it.  We often talk about being free spiritually and mentally, but I seriously want to be free from the physical crap.

On new years eve I asked Nate if he had any resolutions for 2017 and his response was no.  He explained that he always has best intentions to meet resolutions and goals, but ends up feeling defeated if life takes him in a different direction.  So yeah... we didn't set any new goals specifically, but I know we want to continue our journey to being debt free and living with less.  We want to live with just enough.  Not too much.  Not too little.  Enough.

So as 2017 has begun I'm asking myself what can we 'tackle' first to help get rid of things and I'm not even sure.  Maybe there are some spiritual and mental areas that do need addressed before we can deal with the physical.  Maybe it's ok that we are just focused on making sure our kids are fed and get a good night's sleep each day and that I, as the full time working, nursing mom, get to work each day and survive that...  Did I ever mention that being a nursing mom is difficult but add working full time to the mix and wow... it is not easy.  Anyway... best intentions don't get anywhere without effort, but it's a good starting point.  Praying we move toward more freedom in 2017. 

Sunday, September 4, 2016

So Emotional!

Pregnancy... one of life's most unique experiences.  And I mean unique.  From day to day this pregnancy is different.  I am 39 weeks pregnant and you'd think I would be 'used' to being pregnant, but I feel different everyday.  For instance, the past 3 days have gone something like this...

Friday - let's get stuff done!  Run errands, do some laundry, meet friends for lunch, keep the house clean, help Nate with the backyard project, rest... Along the way, I would just get totally overwhelmed and cry.  I couldn't get a staple out of something and it made me cry.  I was putting Briella to bed and the thought that she isn't going to be the 'baby' anymore made me cry.  Nate just laughs at me (in a good way), hugs me, and tells me to go rest if I need to... And I was having what I thought could be actual contractions every 15 min for a few hours, but went to sleep and they went away.  Ug!

Saturday - slept well and woke up SORE.  Very sore!  Didn't want to move.  Didn't want to get out of bed.  Just wanted to sit in the warm covers and do nothing and felt at peace.  But I made myself get up and I ended up spending time with many people, went on a walk, got groceries, and overall had a good day.

Today - I tossed and turned and kept waking up from the weirdest dreams.  Got out of bed and felt like I hadn't slept.  Craved a Starbucks and needed to run to Natural Grocers, so I went and felt fine.  I wasn't sore today and baby didn't make me too uncomfortable which is the opposite of how I felt Friday.  I haven't had any melt downs today.  I haven't felt any major contractions.

It's a mystery how I will feel from day to day with this pregnancy.  And by 'feel' I mean physically, mentally, and/or spiritually.  Being pregnant is just unique.  This being my 3rd time being this pregnant you'd assume I would just know what to expect, but I don't.  This child will be unique as are N and B and my pregnancies with them... The only thing I expect now is to be holding a baby before the end of September and we pray he or she is healthy and that I can stay healthy and recover at a good rate.  Other then that... only the Lord knows.  :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

No August baby...

I've decided that my children like to stay put when I am pregnant. This baby has shown very little sign that they are ready to vacate.  We were hoping for 8/28 b-day but no luck.  Then we thought there was still a chance he or she would come in August... but unless I have a super fast labor and they arrive in 20 min or less, that's not happening.  That being said, I had to stop typing for a moment and let a moderate contraction pass... they need to keep coming tho.  Usually they stop and I can sleep or just keep going about my business.  It's weird to think that this is my third baby, but I still am not sure when 'real' labor is setting in.  N and B's labors were so different... who knows what this kiddo will be like.

I don't have to go back to work now.  I got in all my professional training and was able to do some planning with my team and today Gail decided I didn't have to return to work.  It's just too much.  I was so exhausted that I went back to bed for almost 3 hours today.  There is no way I could keep working while feeling miserable.  No way.  So, I get to be home, rest, do some stuff around the house and wait.  I am praying I don't have to wait long though.  But we'll see.  The Lord knows when this baby will come and I think we are doing our part of being ready. 

I have to go to sleep now...

Monday, August 22, 2016

Attempting to declutter...

In effort to prepare for Baby #3 to join us in our smaller house, we've been decluttering and rearranging.  It's quite a task.  2 years ago we packed up our 3000 sf home in less then 20 days and moved all of our stuff into family and friends' houses... I breathe easier tonight knowing we aren't reliving that time again... it was very rough!  A huge part of it being rough was that we had just said goodbye to Nate's father after his 8 month fight with pancreatic cancer.  That is an entirely different piece of the story I will write about another time... back on point...

So... we took all of our belongings and squeezed them into other people's spaces and began the decluttering process.  We had the opportunity to use a friend's house that was empty and being ready to be sold to store our stuff and have garage sales while deciding what we were really going to keep and what we could sell, give away, or throw away.  I would have to look back, but I believe we did 3 weekends of garage sales from that house - one in June and then 2 more in September of 2014 - and it really helped us pair down on some big items.  In between all of the garage sales, we also sold things online which helped.  We still had stuff... and still do.

In the end, we had to get a storage unit to store extra baby clothes/items, suit cases, our kitchen supplies (since we were living with family for a while), our camping gear, etc. etc.  You know... all the stuff that we mostly had in our 1500sf basement that we'd use seasonally.  Well... we still have a lot of it and now that baby #3 is going to arrive soon, we had to get some baby stuff out and I am in awe of how much we have.  It's a TON!  No newborn needs 100 onesies...

To be encouraged to move forward with downsizing and decluttering, I've been watching some youtube channels and this one blows my mind!  I'm impressed and wondering if this is how we will end up living someday... our whole goal is to be debt free and have time to experience life together as a family and to be available to serve others... this family's home seems like it would allow for those goals to be achieved.  Their channel is called Family Minimalism: Becoming Minimalist with Kids.  It's quite extreme, but it's simple living.  I feel like the clutter and 'stuff' we have around us reflects some mental and spiritual baggage... or maybe it all just drives me nuts and if I loaded it all up and threw it in the dumpster one day I would seriously feel better about our house.  ;)  Who knows...

There are many many videos online about how to downsize, reorganize, become minimalists, etc. and this one just impressed me.  We have less stuff each month... we are making progress... It's just a process and takes time.  It's like we are choosing to live a different way and that change is challenging and time consuming.  We'll get 'there' eventually.

Thanks for reading. ~M

Monday, August 15, 2016

August 15th!?

I'd like to say that I have been writing like crazy this month due to the writing challenge from Art of Redemption, but I haven't.  The past 3 or 4 days for instance, I have chosen to nap instead of write and that's ok considering I am growing a baby.  This 3rd pregnancy is not easy.  It's very uncomfortable.  I'm 36+ weeks... I'm swollen... I'm cranky... I still have 2 other kids, 2 dogs, and a husband to take care of and I go to work tomorrow.  It's only for a 2 day training, and then we don't have to go back full time until the 24th, but still.  My summer is done.  And it's kinda sad.  I can't say I got everything accomplished that I'd hope to, but we've done a ton of stuff this summer including a garden which is something we've always talked about doing... it feels good to get some 'to do' things done.  We want to get our porch done on the back of our house so we have a private, outdoor space to have dinner and hang out since our home is small... it would be great to have an outdoor living space. And obviously we need to dig out some baby clothes and supplies and be ready to have a new little one living with us!  It's weird how 'done being pregnant' I feel some days, but how I haven't really done anything to get ready to have baby here... this is much different then how I felt with N and B.  We were 'ready' weeks ahead of time.  I even remember I packed my hospital bag well before Briella came and when I got into the bag at the hospital I had forgotten what I had packed cause it had been so long.  We do have some things done for baby's arrival, so I hope he or she holds off until we have a bit more done and are more realistically ready.  And I sure hope transitioning back to work when I am this pregnant goes well.  Last week I had dreams that I missed a half day of mandatory training and used the excuse that I was going into labor to keep from getting in trouble.  So I think it means my head wants to be back at work, but my body is gonna make me slow down and pay attention to Baby 3.  Here's hoping I get up feeling good in the morning and am able to make it through training with little to no pain or mood swings... ha!  And perhaps sleeping with my new snoogle pillow will help... Nate found one on FB today from someone we know.  I think it will help me sleep well.  :)

Monday, August 8, 2016

Writing Challenge Day 8

I haven't been posting on here, but I began writing about the journey we as a family are taking to be debt free... I intended it to be short blog posts, but it's turning into more of a memoir perhaps so I am just dating things as I go and we'll see where that takes us.  I've always thought it would be cool to write a book and never had a vision for one... maybe this will turn into something like that.  Anywho...

Just a real quick thought from today.  It's been 2 years since we got to talk to Jason (Nate's dad) and have him communicate clearly and smile at his grandchildren, etc.  He didn't pass away until the 13th, but the 8th and 9th were his last days that we talked, sang, interacted and saw him really react to us being with him.  It's overwhelming to recall all of the emotions that rolled through our family those days of saying goodbye and I am very glad it's in the past.  I am glad we don't have to live like that each day.  It was very heart breaking and a wonderful gift to be with him, but I am so glad it's over.  Now we are healing and can remember him without wishing that he wasn't suffering.

Here is the picture that brought back those memories...
He loved his granddaughters so much!! 

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Writing challenge...

It's hard to keep up with this when we are having so much fun and being busy on our little vacation in the Denver area this week... we drove down on Wednesday and have been to Rocky Mountain National Park, Golden, the Air1 Positive Hits Tour, The National Tiny House Jamboree, Pike's Peak, a few favorite restaurants and 1 new one that was super yummy - Rudy's BBQ... it's been busy and we are exhausted.  I did write a little about living small and the 'why' behind our downsizing, etc. the past few years.  I'll have to finish that later and post it sometime... And since I haven't been writing each day, here's a picture and I'll count it as my 1,000 words.  ;)