Do you ever just struggle? Struggle with all sorts of things all the time? It seems that Nate and I have gone through a continuous struggle for a long time. With many things. Our neighbors. Our family. Our jobs. Our appliances and tools. Our house. Our dog. It's a continuous battle to get over something that doesn't go quite right or goes completely wrong. We have some really good days and weeks but then one thing happens and it seems to set us back. It's begun to discourage me more and it's making me hate being an adult. It's made me think that this thing we call "the American Dream" is nothing but a race and struggle that is morphing our society into something that is nothing but a nightmare. Nate has this idea that our work hours could be cut in half, if not more, because of the technology we have, but something continues to prevent moms and dads from spending time raising their own children to work. It makes me regret not being thoughtful about my future when I met Nate and knew I wanted to marry him. Why didn't I want to be a stay at home wife when I met him? Why wasn't that our goal? Am I doing what God has called me to do? I am good at what I do, but because I have my own children now, I can't put the time into my job like I could before. And I know my girls don't get nearly the mom time and guidance they could if I wasn't so preoccupied with this thing we call a career. The way we live doesn't seem right to me. I guess that's what I am getting at. Are we all chasing things of this world in vain? Is it all for naught? Or are we being shaped and prepared for something that will come later? "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." I sure know I don't want to persevere sometimes. Tonight I just want to give up but then a piece of my heart and mind say "No!" and I ask God to help me understand why the small struggles are occurring. Maybe I have no character and He wants me to develop that... Maybe He wants me to trust in Him more each day and give Him control. I like control. Maybe too much. It's a struggle and I don't want it to be, so I will pray that this time of our lives will be a learning experience. I'll pray we become better people during this time and work to find what God is calling us to do... if we aren't already doing it.
~M
