That's the direction I always feel like I am going, or could be going. I get really focused on something and then think about other things I should be doing or I can't get anything done because I don't know which way to go or where to begin. Is this how life should be? Have I don't something wrong to make life be like this? It seems everyone else around me is kind of doing the same thing and it truly seems like it's not good for anyone. Even now I think about all the different directions I want this post to go and don't know what to type about next. I want to share my thoughts on a book I am reading about a woman, who is pretty much the same age as I am, and who grew up with the same kind of Christian lifestyle... but I am not yet done with the book , so should probably wait to 'review' it. I want to talk about the weirdest, toughest situation I have ever faced in my job that makes me not want to go to work some days. I want to talk about how at times my heart aches to just be a stay at home mom and how I am frustrated that my heart and head never wanted that before I had kids. I want to publish a children's book I have attempted to write like 50 times. I want our debt to be gone, our non existent house to be paid off, and our life to be generally a little less about all that and more about investing in others' lives.
I guess that's what's on my mind most these days... because of some decisions we made in haste in the past we have struggled for some time, recently have taken a few leaps of faith, and are on what I perceive to be a slow, but steady journey to the life we are feeling called to live. It's hard explaining this to others without the call being to become missionaries or be a part of some specific mission/Christian organizations... we literally feel called to be a family that isn't burdened with paying a million bills and not knowing how to feed ourselves. We want to be a family that lives comfortably while giving to others... and our 'comfortably' is much simpler than the average American families 'comfortably'. This is just what we have been called to do and we are working to 'get there' with the help of family... even family that doesn't quite understand it. And above all it's happening because God is faithful. I sure am not faithful some days, but He is and thankfully Nate is too... :)
