Exhausting August

I came home from a week long teacher's workshop at UW on August 1, 2014.  That trip made day #38 that I had not been home since the school year ended.  We had a blast the 17 days we were in TX, then such a great time on a road trip that took us camping in Northern WY for 4 days and 6 days in Glacier National Park, then out toward Spokane for a family reunion.  But then came August. 
Dad was moved to Hospice on August 2nd.  He stayed there until August 13th... the day he went home to be with the Lord after dealing with pancreatic cancer and all the struggle that came with it.  We somewhat lived there.  Being with him his last few days/weeks was a different form of exhaustion than I have ever experienced and I don't wish it on anyone.  At the same time, I am so glad we were able to be there with him, family, his friends, and his coworkers.  August 18th was the day of his funeral.  I chose to take bereavement time this week, but would have been back to work on the 20th.  I go back on Monday the 25th and I am feeling a little anxious in good and bad ways.  I'm at a new school.  I don't know all the ins and outs of things at that school and have made NO attempt to get my room prepared for students.   I know if I was at my former school it would not matter and I would be allowed all the time needed (reasonably) to prepare even after students had arrived.  I am so thankful I am tutoring again because that takes some strain off.  I love tutoring and I don't think it will take much time for me to get back in the swing of things. 
Anyway, there's good and bad going on along with the natural stresses that come with losing a loved one.  I still can't believe Jason is gone... A lot of my stress comes from the effort Nate and I are doing to "Downsize and be Debt Free".  (I'll have to blog about that soon).  I wanted to be done with the 'downsizing' of our things before I went back to work, but it just hasn't happened.  We have a good start and I know we can't stop or our goals won't be reached.  It's so easy to just give up, but I'm not going to and I am going to continue to ask the Lord and my husband for reassurance that we can do this and it will lead us to what the Lord wants us to do next/now.  It's just exhausting getting there, and before we know it, it will be a new month... perhaps "Pleasant September"?  Yes please!

P.S.  Thanks to everyone who prayed for Jason and us, who shared their love for him with us on FB and through emails, and who sent cards and flowers... we were blessed by those things.  :)

Hospice

Nate's dad has been in hospice since Saturday.  I am one of those people who am comfortable in hospitals.  My mom was a medical transcriptionist and we spent time in the hospital or various doctor's offices while she worked.  So visiting dad at the hospital on and off since January hasn't made me too uncomfortable beyond the reason we were visiting him, but I know it was not comfortable for him or his wife and sons... He had his last surgery to replace the stent in his liver on July 28 and hasn't been able to be home since then.  Hopsice is a place of comfort.  He's been able to rest.  Everything they do there is based off of his wants, not doctor's orders.  So many people have come to see him.  We have had the opportunity to meet family, his work friends, sit and tell stories, or just sit and enjoy the quiet.  It's been so nice.  Nathellia and Briella bring a lot of life into that place each time they are there.  Kids have such a way of making all situations full of life.  We are just glad that Jason's as comfortable as possible.  We do not know how long dad will be with us.  We are grateful that we have time to spend there as school hasn't started yet and we have nothing else too pressing keeping us from being together as a family.  I can say I have never felt the way I feel lately.  There's this constant exhaustion hanging around and it's hard to wait, not know, and try to get in all the thoughts and memories while he's still here with us.  Jason has been very upbeat and talkative the entire time he's been there and I know he's enjoyed everyone visiting and connecting while, essentially, saying goodbye to him.  This time in our lives is very special, fragile, and life changing and I pray we all trust that God's timing is perfect and that we can be there for dad.  He told me Hospice is a godsend and is very glad to be spending his time there.